Friday, September 19, 2008
exams are coming.
i used to base my self worth on exams. now i look back and feel sorry that i'd been drowning in being obsessed with myself.
im glad this time its a little different. im just going to study and not think about the grades that will come. the grades will take care of themselves. have no fear.
i've just finished studying for now. time to think. yes and its a good day to think too. because today was the last day of proper lesson.
i've been doing alot of thinking today. today was an especially thought provoking day for me.
while thinking i realized one thing. that the most difficult job on earth is being a person.
yes i think thats why there's judgement day. its a report card on how well i did being a person.
if anything i need to start bucking up my character report card.
freak there's alot of obligations being a person. duty towards our parents. schoolwork (which is enough to kill). our friends.
im not very good at keeping up am i.
i'd therefore like to apologize. if there has been anyone i've neglected unknowingly, anything that i've ignored, anything that i didnt do enough for, i sincerely apologize.
anyway.
i was so disturbed by this thought. that i cant keep up.
and so i decided i'd do something about it.
as i sat in the bus home today, i scrolled through my phonebook, methodically deleting numbers that i've not kept in contact with in a year or more. haha i bet you're thinking what for right, since my phone memory is nowhere near full.
i decided to do what i did not because im going crazy from exam stress. i just decided what for i have so many unused numbers in my phone. i dont even know what is happening in their lives. having them in my phone means they actually mean enough to me that i should think of them from time to time and check up on how they are doing.
but i dont. so i decided i shall delete them.
and so i scrolled, delete. scrolled, delete.
when i finished, i was not suprised that out of the few hundreds of contact in my phone, less than 5% now remains.
and now i promise ill do better with this remaining 5% or less.
m going to do the same for my msn list after ass week.
same concept with regards to my life in general. i have so many "modules" but i can tell you that im flunking in every aspect. im not just talking academic here.
its like the parable of the talents. when God gives more, He expects more, thats for sure. because he gives you more based on your capability. i delete so i dont bite off more than i can chew. so i can concentrate on the things i should do and do them well.
there's no meaning in having so many flunked modules dont you think. i rather have one module with an A+. looks so much nicer and makes me feel better too. makes God happy i believe.
think i should stop saying hello to people i dont really know. since im not going to go further than saying "hello, how are you" cos its really just to be polite but now it seems too ungenuine for my liking.
anyway. im not being unfriendly. im just using this phonelist thing as an analogy.
jack of all trades master of none see.
so im reducing my "phonelist/modules". and try hard to be good at what im doing. be good at being a person. even if its just one module left.
let me tell you the truth. people who have long lists of names on their facebooks and friendsters
or happen to know tonnes and tonnes of people
are usually hi bye friends. they remember your birthday through facebook reminders.
but when comes to the crunch i doubt they know anyone very well.
well such is life.
anyway just needed to get that bit right. back to bed.
-10:22 PM
fly high and free.
