Tuesday, December 30, 2008
four days2009marks the start of an entirely new journey. honestly, it is going to be one scary ride. i know there'll be times in the pitch black abyss, almost losing my direction all over and almost falling back over to the otherside which is a really scary thought because i fought so hard to cross the line of no return.
school is going to be insanely hard like it was, except tens of thousands times harder.
however i know my Father's grace is with me through it all.
and also i've got everyone who cares right beside me.
2008 was really tough for me. majority of the year was spent in a deep dark cage being tormented over and over again. unexplainable, but very real and very scary. however i dont think anyone around me really knew anything about the trauma and the fear i was holding all inside of me, only 3 people in this whole world know so we'll just leave it as that. please do not ask me about it, i might have renounced it but it doesnt mean ive gotten over it. and i still break down whenever i tried to talk about it, yes i've tried and i cried super embarrassingly so thanks but no thanks not ever again.
its always the seemingly happy people that is bottling all sorts of trash inside of them.
well i never want to go back there. its a constant struggle really. the true test that i have truly overcome is when i cross life's finishing line.
God has blessed me with far more than i could ever ask for. and i would like to think that its an incentive for pressing on.
im really really loving how things are turning out. its going to be a drastic change once 2009 rolls in and im really not looking forward to it but i must admit there are many changes i want to make:
1) become independent, yet relying on God
2) be really thrifty
3) join kickboxing
4) appreciate the people around me aka fruits of the spirit as i've mentioned
5) geek alert
haha i do have a goal in two years time and im not saying it out. but im relying on God's grace cos i know i'll never be able to accomplish that on my own.
sweet dreamsss
-12:16 AM
fly high and free.
