Wednesday, April 22, 2009
just woke up from a long long nap, 8pm- now, WOW i
havent felt this awesome in such a long time.
i have indeed been completely exhausted, really miss spending time with my daddy God ... :(
i find myself increasingly preferring to be alone nowadays, i
dont know if its a good or bad thing. many people have come up to me asking me (out of concern) why
im so quiet now, even my teachers; all i do is laugh it off and say "really
meh"
just cant seem to find energy or enjoyment in spending time with people now. cant seem to enjoy company or have a good laugh or look into
somebody's eyes genuinely wanting to know them better. relationships are a blood bought gift from God i know, and they're precious.
dont know why i very much prefer to be left alone. maybe time alone right now will do me good since my life is completely sucked up, albeit unwillingly.
life is a crazy journey each day, woke up this morning realising that i was too late to go for morning training and this clearly reflects the state of my mental health - mental enough to not wake up for morning training, now that really scares me. i woke up realising that i completely overslept WOW
time has been my greatest enemy recently as i desperately fight against it for my beauty sleep.
my weeks have been one big blur, with deadlines tests and The
Tormenter: PI launching themselves on me like many tiny missile bombs.
i've completely missed one thing needful- and
im absolutely resenting how i always forget to spend time with God.
sheeeeez. that,
i've come to realize, is the most dreadful feeling to have, maybe
thats why i feel like
i've been running on low oil. not because spending time with God is a christian thing to do but because it makes me feel half dead not feeding on His love for me each day.
my loss, i guess, but makes me want to make it up by spending a two hour holiday in His presence.
God has been faithful through it all,
im amazed at how i managed to half survive every day with extremely little sleep and an insurmountable amount of workload. it
hasnt been a pleasant period of time, but one thing i know: He is with me everyday. He walks with me, talks with me - even when i
dont hear Him or
dont reply. and i feel comforted that
im going to get my lovely As because He loves me, despite my frailty and inadequacies
actually
ive just come to a realisation that blogging at appropriate moments is good for the soul,
haha
-11:54 PM
fly high and free.
