Monday, June 15, 2009
crap i really miss my best friend and her signature hug.
its funny how we dont even talk but i still consider her my best friend.
im really beginning to think maybe she was more important then doing well in life, doing well in general actually.
i dont know what im saying.
how is it so weird that i actually loved doing everything with her.
i loved fighting with her, i loved shopping with her even though i dont like shopping, i loved watching her own other people, i loved her pms moments, i loved talking about growing old and grey together and drinking coffee talking nonsense, i loved singing at the top of our lungs together with her in the shower, i loved the way she called me a noob (in a weird sort of way it was kind of comforting to know that she was still her), i loved laughing really weirdly at her jokes, i loved the way she would defend me and i loved how she would then maybe called me a retard after. i loved knowing she would own anyone who bullied me because i cant stand up for myself and she knows it and i loved playing tennis and then being laughed at for being so absolutely lousy, i loved her hugs they felt really cushiony and i wouldnt change that for the world and i do think that anyone who marries her would be blessed for the sole reason of the emotional comfort she exudes from one single hug, and i loved her straightforward "i dont care about how you think im doing it my way" attitude to life which i think i've always admired, and i loved her confidence that she possessed despite having many many people hurt her in ways she definitely did not deserve to be hurt. even when mean things were done to her by people she still held confidence in who she was, never allowing their words to change anything about her. even if she thought about them occassionally, her mantra was that she was better off without them. and i really do admire that about her.
i really loved the weirdly awesome relationship i shared with her. it was a bond that could never be replaced by anyone in the world. its funny how i embraced everything about her, something i havent done with any other friend. she's also the reason why i havent packed up and leave.
its kinda sad that she's so busy and im such a selfish consumed by school person and also anti social loner, a very different person from what i used to be indeed. its kinda sad that maybe things have changed permanently and will never be the same again. its actually sad that maybe her plans no longer include me, plans meaning plans in life in general, just like drinking coffee at the roadside or eating beef noodles at golden mile. if i had one wish i would wish that for a moment things would be how it used to be, for a day, to once again remember how it felt like having a best friend i could be anything with.
-11:12 PM
fly high and free.
