okay thank you (:

2010-05-24T15:07:00.003+08:00

oh man I was bored studying econs and decided to delete my friendster when I realized while looking through photos and testimonials that it brings back way too many memories. ouch.

Way too many things have changed. I think people (including me) used to be nicer.

dang. I think I prefer how it used to be. I remember being really happy.

what the heck happened?!

I think I have really good memory and if you ask me to recount the chronological events of my youth, I can.

it's like I stepped into a different world in my late teens and after drinking some potion I forgot the simplicity and warmth of the past which was sadly shortlived.

after that, a few major events took place and you learn that everything can change in just a moment.

now I'm suddenly catapulted into history, and I'm actually shocked at how drastically different my life is now compared to then. it's scary how a big chunk of time slipped away without me realizing it. it's like if I never looked back I would have lost that part of my life. it all seems so surreal to me now. I am lost for words.

sometimes it's good to stop myself in my tracks and realize how fast time is passing and to cherish what I now have.

do you believe in throwing away the old to make way for the new, or holding on to a past which is intrinsically linked to your identity now?

2010-05-23T18:15:00.002+08:00

sadly, I don't think you really know me. you can say that you hardly do.

It's painful to know, especially after so much has been invested. so many memories, so much time.

it's been too long. I tried whatever I could. I ended up being hurt, rejected, misunderstood, pushed away, not spared a thought or any consideration. it's the same cycle with everyone. relationships seemingly so deep, chucked away like it never existed. whoever loves, whoever's the loser. whoever doesn't is wise. I don't think you understand/know/care to find out how dejecting and painful it is to be the initiator that receives no response in return. to wait for the never coming messages or replies. unanswered calls, all attempts to keep the relationship unreciprocated. returned only by the nonchalant laughter and apathetic shrugs. and yet continue to care so much for you when everyone else would have moved on. contrary to what it seems, I'm sentimental and find it difficult to ignore the brokenness, sweep the pieces under the carpet, pretend nothing happened and move on. It's just too arduous a task for me.

so the loser (surprise surprise) is me.

I guess what hurts the most is knowing that if you really cherish what we have/had you would make time to keep it, and not keep making excuses like you are now.

2010-05-21T00:40:00.002+08:00

I am exhausted! It's not even JUNE yet. oh my.

time is passing by really fast. I never seem to have enough time to complete my work. and gp and econs common test is next week! I expect to do horribly, since I've only committed 5 chapters to memory and have another 5 chapters to memorize by tuesday. I wanna cryyyy. I feel inadequate just thinking about this. I wanna do well and not get a sucky grade.

been really upset over a few things recently, sigh and sigh and sigh. why does it always have to be a one way thing. it just upsets me how people can really be so mean. I really have to force myself to smile and pretend nothings wrong.

I just can't wait for everything to be over, for me to get my LIFE back.

On a happier side note, spa is over! I officially never have to worry about breaking a test tube and having to do cwo. phew. big relief. at least I know that part of a levels is secure.

june, please, get here already. I need you to help me remove the horrible inadequate I haven't studied enough feeling.

2010-04-01T01:22:00.006+08:00

today I will confront the tumour in my heart that has been growing ever since one fateful incident. I will embark on the journey to tackle this monster head on for it has taken dominion over me for so many years, in so many different ways. It prevented me from living the life i was supposed to live, causing me to hurt people along the way.

I'm particularly sensitive about people talking about me, more so than the average person. I instantly react badly when I find out that someone has been talking about something that happened to me, or anything concerning me really, because I have gone through the worst of nightmares being the victim of malicious talk. Ive never confronted my problem directly, choosing instead to bury all my wounds under the carpet. Nobody knows how fearful I am of poison gossip, or how much I obssess about what has been said about me, if someone thinks I'm good enough for someone, if someone thinks I'm dividing friendships. I've become particularly adverse to anything said about me that would, in my opinion, trigger the same event 3 years ago. I've never spoken about my problem till now. But it's high time I did, because I want to tell this problem in the face: i've got Jesus now, and you have lost the battle.

I wasn't always like this. Once upon a time I was a girl who would readily love, readily trust, readily smile. But one horrific event happened and I hated that girl who was so trusting of others. I hated how that eagerness to love and trust now seemed so foolish and stupid, making me the most vulnerable creature to verbal attack. I would become permanently scarred, and when I was left alone, social events would play like a broken recorder in my head, rewinding the parts that I might have faltered, replaying them over and over again as I reprimanded and condemned instances in which I had let myself go a little carelessly, opened up a little too much. It was the ghosts of the past, coming back to haunt me, coming back to taunt me, whenever I was alone. Sometimes I would have a high propensity to use a razor blade to force the screaming voices out of my head, something I would regret immediately after. I would burn in my indignance against what was said about me, by somebody who does not give a shit. It has been awful. It's a constant struggle I find so difficult to untangle myself out of, until today's message struck in me like a burst of fresh living water, truly healing me, truly restoring me.

It's time to become the girl who readily trusted, readily loved, because Jesus loves her, and she knew it. Unknowingly, i've built a wall of defense as large as the great wall of china, uptight about people breaking my trust, so afraid to fall back into the place of disgrace and shame which has now become all too familiar. I've treated people unfairly because of the monsters that I was trying to fight on my own, and it's time to stop pretending nothing happened, apologise with grace, in grace, with Jesus being my teacher.

To the many people I've hurt in any way due to my impulsiveness, I am truly sorry. I hope that Jesus will mend your wound just as He mended mine. At the end of the day, we are brothers and sisters in Christ. We are to love one another, edify one another with our words, and grow in the knowledge of His grace. This is why we exist. This is why I need you and you need me, because we are the body of Christ. I am learning, as everyone else is, to be gracious in my ways and in my words. There is no need to be apprehensive or suspicious or overly paranoid- Jesus will guard my back. And that is all that one could ever ask for.

I will be sending out emails to those whom I think are deserving of an apology one by one. This is not an obligatory email- you are not obliged to forgive, rather it's for me to apologize so there is some form of closure, although I hope that you'll find it in your heart to forgive, because it adds peace to your heart. This is probably the most humble thing I've done in my life, so I hope that you wont be too critical of my move, my choice of words, whether or not I am sincere. Trust me this once, I truly mean it from the bottom of my heart, and I love you all.

It is Good Friday tomorrow, a timely reminder that because Jesus bore all the pain and diseases, we are now free to live, pain free; free to walk in His loving embrace, His loving kindness. He is the alpha and omega, the beginning and the end- He has the first word and the last word in every situation. Never again shall I fear, for perfect love casts out fear.

Jesus, my aleph tav.

2010-03-16T20:26:00.004+08:00

this post is mainly for my sister.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PEARLYN!

i hope being one year older means you'll get more mature and STOP STEALING MY CLOTHES, BOOKS, PHONE, COMPUTER etc. hahahaahahaha.

own your jc 1 year and stop being so distracted by ugly guys (oops! kidding)
all in all, i think you're an above average sister, except that sometimes you spill my secret to daddy and mommy and get me into trouble, then i hate you for one day and forgive you the next (even though i still want to be pissed at you). at the end of the day, sisters will always share a connection no one understands.. i guess? :P

17th means going on into a complete new environment in a junior college. jc 1 is definitely not going to be easy, but i guess the effort is worth your while. i hope you will learn what i learnt in my 17th year; that although life may not all go the way you want it to, God will never leave you and He will definitely turn all things for your benefit. all the setbacks are merely meant to set you up for a blessing!

you will also see as you grow older that many people might not consider the best interests for you because they do not want to see you succeed. friends will come and go, even your closest ones. but follow His voice and He will lead you on the right path, the right people, the right friends. it is important to be able to rely on God and not on people for your confidence.

have a great special day. may you grow up to be a strong confident girl, just like me! HAHA.

love, jiejie.

--------------------------------------------
jc 2 sucks big time. big big big big big big big big time.

it seriously took an eternity to get to the march holidays.

but i went to NUS open house and after looking at the booths plus the selection criteria, oh yeah the hard work is all going to pay off in jesus name. very very well indeed.

press on serene! 8 more months. life is only lived once and this is the time to pursue your dreams.

actually this year's been a great opportunity to really appreciate the people who have stood by me all this while.

a big thank you goes to my family, kor, jon, school friends; everyone who've been there for me- for your unwavering support. you guys are freaking awesome. love you all.

2009-12-01T02:49:00.003+08:00

i kinda miss being young, fun, girly and giggly with absolutely no responsibility in the world, sleeping in my hostel bed just thinking of the cute guy sleeping just down hallway or staying up all night chattering with a bunch of girlfriends in cute nightgowns who have no malicious thoughts and just wants to be your friend just because you're you.

sounds really immature and stupid but im in the midst of straddling my girly nature and a conflicting "get down to business" attitude.

hopefully ill get the chance to be young, fun, girly and giggly once i start university.

2009-11-23T02:20:00.006+08:00

some people are so dumb and retarded, you've gotta take in a 100 breaths to remind yourself that they are not animals and gather up every ounce of calorie in your body to force yourself not to give them the hardest darnest slap in their face (or knee in the b*lls)

the most ridiculous thing is that these people always think they possess greater intellect than the average population and make seemingly genius comments that is just downright shallow. they dont know how stupid they sound.

OH GIMME A BREAK. you're just going to be a loser in life. actually you already are.
one of the worst characters i HAVE and will EVER come across.

grace serene.
i will be NICE.

2009-11-19T23:47:00.004+08:00

i dont believe this

-----------------------------------------------------
Job opportunities for A level students

Notice:

NTUC Fairprice has job opportunities for retail assistants and cashiers on full time, part time, or temporary basis in their supermarkets. Interested, pl call 6424 7870

31/12/2009

------------------------------------------------------

dont get me wrong. i dont mean to demean NTUC's cashiers; i think they're doing a great job. but i was genuinely appalled at this notice on my school's webpage.

i mean. you dont have to study so much to be a cashier do you?

2009-11-13T15:52:00.002+08:00

i'll be going to timbre for the first time tonight (:

2009-11-12T23:19:00.003+08:00

i was looking at my seniors study at macdonalds for their a lvls and i felt a surge of pity (especially when some of them are balding under the stress)

until i realized that thats going to be me next year. (without the balding)

HAHA

2009-11-09T13:48:00.000+08:00

the LORD with me equals success

2009-11-04T00:47:00.002+08:00

WTH?!

2009-10-15T18:29:00.003+08:00

mmm, its been a long while.
its been real crazy too. promos was challenging but exciting. i hope i did fine. haha.

starting to get a little bit of my life back. spent time with family and recently been blessed with two new found close relationships that i really treasure. happened because our paths cross a whole lot especially since we studied together, panicked together, lost our sanity before the papers together and went crazy after promos together. in addition we bought ridiculous glasses and had an amazing "celine dion is our idol + wii + failed attempt at jamming" sleepover. you know who you are!

to be honest though, i still harbour inhibitions about relationships. friendships. sure, life has no meaning if you have no friends. but as i go further along the journey of life i've come to realized that friendships are much more complex than it seems. started to wonder if friends are only made because our paths cross. i think the answer to that is well, obviously. so then does this mean that when your friends' paths no longer cross yours, they're no longer friends? i guess this will be a question that will never have a definite answer.

i hope with all my heart that my two new found relationships will last for a lifetime. for real.

on life, well, it is starting to look up. took a number of trips and on many occasions fell flat on my face. unpleasant and embarrassing definitely. but i recovered and realized hey awesome, i still made progress. trips and falls are definitely needed to ensure that im better than i was yesterday.

2009 is drawing to a close. (not so soon, but time passes unpredictably fast) im astonished at how many reality checks this year presented me. didnt all go the way i wanted it too and i had my disappointments. however with each disappointment was a hope that's brighter.

well this blog is pretty much redundant. hahahah yes my fault. but i want it this way. and i like posting infrequently so each post counts. this blog is pretty much for myself to read though. i gave up keeping diaries since five because firstly my mom will definitely poke her nose into it haha and blogs are awesome cos my mom doesnt know how to surf the net and my dad cant be bothered to do "mind rotting activities" such as this. secondly i learnt from a young age that diaries always go missing. so here i am. writing. it has this strange cleansing effect that always has me coming back.

ill be missing in action for a very long time. so till i see you.... i wish you love.

2009-07-01T19:04:00.003+08:00

you make your own success.

believing in miracles doesnt mean miracles happen.

2009-06-15T23:12:00.006+08:00

crap i really miss my best friend and her signature hug.

its funny how we dont even talk but i still consider her my best friend.
im really beginning to think maybe she was more important then doing well in life, doing well in general actually.
i dont know what im saying.

how is it so weird that i actually loved doing everything with her.
i loved fighting with her, i loved shopping with her even though i dont like shopping, i loved watching her own other people, i loved her pms moments, i loved talking about growing old and grey together and drinking coffee talking nonsense, i loved singing at the top of our lungs together with her in the shower, i loved the way she called me a noob (in a weird sort of way it was kind of comforting to know that she was still her), i loved laughing really weirdly at her jokes, i loved the way she would defend me and i loved how she would then maybe called me a retard after. i loved knowing she would own anyone who bullied me because i cant stand up for myself and she knows it and i loved playing tennis and then being laughed at for being so absolutely lousy, i loved her hugs they felt really cushiony and i wouldnt change that for the world and i do think that anyone who marries her would be blessed for the sole reason of the emotional comfort she exudes from one single hug, and i loved her straightforward "i dont care about how you think im doing it my way" attitude to life which i think i've always admired, and i loved her confidence that she possessed despite having many many people hurt her in ways she definitely did not deserve to be hurt. even when mean things were done to her by people she still held confidence in who she was, never allowing their words to change anything about her. even if she thought about them occassionally, her mantra was that she was better off without them. and i really do admire that about her.

i really loved the weirdly awesome relationship i shared with her. it was a bond that could never be replaced by anyone in the world. its funny how i embraced everything about her, something i havent done with any other friend. she's also the reason why i havent packed up and leave.

its kinda sad that she's so busy and im such a selfish consumed by school person and also anti social loner, a very different person from what i used to be indeed. its kinda sad that maybe things have changed permanently and will never be the same again. its actually sad that maybe her plans no longer include me, plans meaning plans in life in general, just like drinking coffee at the roadside or eating beef noodles at golden mile. if i had one wish i would wish that for a moment things would be how it used to be, for a day, to once again remember how it felt like having a best friend i could be anything with.

2009-06-14T21:53:00.002+08:00

today gave me a few more compelling reasons.

1) i cant identify with the crying and weeping and the moaning and groaning.
some are genuine, i know. but every week crying? i doubt it? and ironically its the people who remain silent that genuinely live it out.
2) fake highs
man cant create highs or flow using their own strength.
3) whats with all that pressure?
seems like emphasis on performance isnt having much effect on the standard anyway.
4) how to self create synergy?
its seriously impossible.
5) how to determine that stage is not being abused for performance or self attention/ praise.
maybe its for your own glory, have you thought of that.
6) who am i playing for?
you or? it is an issue i seriously struggled with today.

but at the same time i know it was a divine plan to set me up for blessings.

1) i was blessed by a hug
i havent received one from her for a long time, man, felt gooood. i really miss the signature hug. lol.
2) i saw the silent care and love
maybe that renewed a little bit of my trust in brotherly love, huh.
3) i received a genuine nice note from someone
first time in my life. speechless, lost for words, and honestly very touched.
4) i was invisible to some people before, today was the first time words from these people were spoken to me. i thank God really.

i guess God can use awful things to set us up for blessings huh.

2009-06-10T18:41:00.004+08:00

we have all these dreams and plans;
an oasis of great opportunities just waiting for us to behold.
we have each other to hold till forever
and all the future in the world we'll someday know.
the beauty of the world is beckoning,
all we have to do is catch the wind and run into its open arms.
life is full of remarkable maybes,
unexpected twists and turns;
but when i have you and you have me,
we can do anything.

2009-06-08T19:06:00.003+08:00

maybe life neednt be that systematic after all.
maybe i neednt have bought into the lie of success and achievement.

i watched night in the museum 2 yesterday. maybe my answer on finding happiness was put on hold because i had too many calls to pick up.

Larry Daley: You know how you were telling me that the key to happiness was something but then the sun came up? I think I figured it out. It's doing what you love with the people you love.
Teddy Roosevelt: I was going to say diet and exercise, but the love thing is good.

i finally got my answer.

2009-06-04T00:58:00.001+08:00

it was always about her.

2009-06-03T23:45:00.003+08:00

so thats it, isnt it.
im not worth the time, not worth the glance, not another look, or a simple reply.
i have just been frigging faked out and rejected all at the same time.
so all the time i was living a stupid lie.

2009-06-02T16:37:00.008+08:00

its funny cos i know all thats happening around me.
things that im not supposed to know.
i actually know the thoughts of people
and they dont think i know.

i know more than i should.

lots of things changed since 4 years ago. and many things will change in 4 years time. whacko.
who do you think will have the last laugh?

this was exactly what i used to do to other people, with that person.
now the same person i used to do it with is doing it back to me.

hohoho.

i shouldnt know so much.

brotherly love. fellowship. what nonsense. can you even define it?

all my youth has been spent carelessly and recklessly, throwing it away with the very same group of people i thought was worth my while.

now they've turned into green eyes monsters.
some friends, oh maybe all- never have good intentions. do you think they genuinely care about you?
that's what naive people would like to think.
but who can deny the poisonous thoughts of covet?

i thought this place could be my safe haven.
and now i see i was so wrong.
who can be blamed? i was brought up this way.
how very wrong of me to be so plainly stupid.

it was a waste of 4 good years. a waste i wish i had foreseen earlier and maybe avoided it.

just watch. in a 4 years time, everything you think you own, dissipates. all things intangible.

pretty soon you might be the one in my position.

2009-06-01T17:30:00.001+08:00

Q: sometimes we're better off without certain people.
true/false

2009-05-31T00:43:00.001+08:00

i dont know if its the heat,
or if im pissed/disgusted at how i was being talked down at yesterday.
but one question keeps poisoning my mind right now;
its sting is unrelenting.

am i ready for grace?

im starting to think maybe not.

2009-05-25T06:33:00.008+08:00

i woke up at 5 am and couldnt sleep so i decided to read conversation history.

hahaha. the little things.

----------------------

9/29/2008		10:51:37 PM		alex		serene. 12 hours to freedom, ryoma/ryohei, jabez_  life is random, shuffle your songs, julian., 2nd Lieutenant Joel		i love eveyrone here

9/29/2008

10:51:40 PM

ryoma/ryohei

serene. 12 hours to freedom, jabez_  life is random, shuffle your songs, julian., 2nd Lieutenant Joel, alex

well i dont

-------------------------

serene. 12 hours to freedom		ryoma/ryohei, jabez_  life is random, shuffle your songs, julian., 2nd Lieutenant Joel, alex		i love pigs!
9/29/2008		10:55:26 PM		ryoma/ryohei		serene. 12 hours to freedom, jabez_  life is random, shuffle your songs, julian., 2nd Lieutenant Joel, alex		of course, they're you're relatives

9/29/2008

10:55:29 PM

ryoma/ryohei

serene. 12 hours to freedom, jabez_  life is random, shuffle your songs, julian., 2nd Lieutenant Joel, alex

how can you not love them

-------------------------

9/29/2008

10:51:00 PM

serene. 12 hours to freedom

ryoma/ryohei, jabez_  life is random, shuffle your songs, julian., 2nd Lieutenant Joel, alex

im gonna go on mabel's side:P

9/29/2008

10:51:15 PM

2nd Lieutenant Joel

serene. 12 hours to freedom, ryoma/ryohei, jabez_  life is random, shuffle your songs, julian., alex

so now it's a guys vs girls thing

/29/2008	10:51:21 PM	julian.	serene. 12 hours to freedom, ryoma/ryohei, jabez_  life is random, shuffle your songs, 2nd Lieutenant Joel, alex	ALEX
9/29/2008	10:51:23 PM	julian.	serene. 12 hours to freedom, ryoma/ryohei, jabez_  life is random, shuffle your songs, 2nd Lieutenant Joel, alex	SCREW
9/29/2008	10:51:25 PM	julian.	serene. 12 hours to freedom, ryoma/ryohei, jabez_  life is random, shuffle your songs, 2nd Lieutenant Joel, alex	DONT DEMOTE YOURSELF
9/29/2008	10:51:30 PM	alex	serene. 12 hours to freedom, ryoma/ryohei, jabez_  life is random, shuffle your songs, julian., 2nd Lieutenant Joel	why

9/29/2008

10:51:30 PM

julian.

serene. 12 hours to freedom, ryoma/ryohei, jabez_  life is random, shuffle your songs, 2nd Lieutenant Joel, alex

we're superior damnit

9/29/2008

10:51:33 PM

julian.

serene. 12 hours to freedom, ryoma/ryohei, jabez_  life is random, shuffle your songs, 2nd Lieutenant Joel, alex

we were created first

------------------------

this one cracked me up the most.

9/29/2008

10:52:31 PM

julian.

serene. 12 hours to freedom, ryoma/ryohei, jabez_  life is random, shuffle your songs, 2nd Lieutenant Joel, alex

dont you dare study too hard

9/29/2008

10:52:34 PM

julian.

serene. 12 hours to freedom, ryoma/ryohei, jabez_  life is random, shuffle your songs, 2nd Lieutenant Joel, alex

i'm freaking praying for you

9/29/2008		10:52:41 PM		ryoma/ryohei		serene. 12 hours to freedom, jabez_  life is random, shuffle your songs, julian., 2nd Lieutenant Joel, alex		i didnt study much for olevels
9/29/2008		10:52:42 PM		julian.		serene. 12 hours to freedom, ryoma/ryohei, jabez_  life is random, shuffle your songs, 2nd Lieutenant Joel, alex		if you say its your effort in the end, i'm gonna thump your head

9/29/2008

10:52:54 PM

ryoma/ryohei

serene. 12 hours to freedom, jabez_  life is random, shuffle your songs, julian., 2nd Lieutenant Joel, alex

no, julian

9/29/2008

10:53:11 PM

ryoma/ryohei

serene. 12 hours to freedom, jabez_  life is random, shuffle your songs, julian., 2nd Lieutenant Joel, alex

before you even get the chance to thump his head, it'll already be rolling somewhere across the desert

9/29/2008

10:53:19 PM

alex

serene. 12 hours to freedom, ryoma/ryohei, jabez_  life is random, shuffle your songs, julian., 2nd Lieutenant Joel

singapore aint got no desert

9/29/2008		10:53:24 PM		ryoma/ryohei		serene. 12 hours to freedom, jabez_  life is random, shuffle your songs, julian., 2nd Lieutenant Joel, alex		well duh
9/29/2008		10:53:33 PM		ryoma/ryohei		serene. 12 hours to freedom, jabez_  life is random, shuffle your songs, julian., 2nd Lieutenant Joel, alex		that's cause by then it'd have rolled half way across the sahara

9/29/2008

10:53:36 PM

julian.

serene. 12 hours to freedom, ryoma/ryohei, jabez_  life is random, shuffle your songs, 2nd Lieutenant Joel, alex

by desert, she means floor

--------------------------

9/29/2008	10:54:51 PM	ryoma/ryohei	serene. 12 hours to freedom, jabez_  life is random, shuffle your songs, julian., 2nd Lieutenant Joel, alex	did you add
9/29/2008	10:54:54 PM	ryoma/ryohei	serene. 12 hours to freedom, jabez_  life is random, shuffle your songs, julian., 2nd Lieutenant Joel, alex	that person in here anw serene
9/29/2008	10:55:02 PM	2nd Lieutenant Joel	serene. 12 hours to freedom, ryoma/ryohei, jabez_  life is random, shuffle your songs, julian., alex	chill mabel

9/29/2008

10:55:03 PM

serene. 12 hours to freedom

ryoma/ryohei, jabez_  life is random, shuffle your songs, julian., 2nd Lieutenant Joel, alex

are we going to the zooooooooooo?

9/29/2008

10:55:54 PM

alex

serene. 12 hours to freedom, ryoma/ryohei, jabez_  life is random, shuffle your songs, julian., 2nd Lieutenant Joel

tell you what i'll guarantee you my presence at the zoo

9/29/2008

10:56:25 PM

ryoma/ryohei

serene. 12 hours to freedom, jabez_  life is random, shuffle your songs, julian., 2nd Lieutenant Joel, alex

oh great, if he's going

9/29/2008		10:56:29 PM		ryoma/ryohei		serene. 12 hours to freedom, jabez_  life is random, shuffle your songs, julian., 2nd Lieutenant Joel, alex		i'm staying away from him
9/29/2008		10:56:33 PM		ryoma/ryohei		serene. 12 hours to freedom, jabez_  life is random, shuffle your songs, julian., 2nd Lieutenant Joel, alex		5 m radius

--------------------------------------------

9/29/2008

10:56:14 PM

2nd Lieutenant Joel

serene. 12 hours to freedom, ryoma/ryohei, jabez_  life is random, shuffle your songs, julian., alex

u better get all As... or else i'll rip your underwear for causing so much distress to us

9/29/2008		10:56:20 PM		julian.		serene. 12 hours to freedom, ryoma/ryohei, jabez_  life is random, shuffle your songs, 2nd Lieutenant Joel, alex		YEA
9/29/2008		10:56:21 PM		julian.		serene. 12 hours to freedom, ryoma/ryohei, jabez_  life is random, shuffle your songs, 2nd Lieutenant Joel, alex		ALEX

9/29/2008		10:56:25 PM		julian.		serene. 12 hours to freedom, ryoma/ryohei, jabez_  life is random, shuffle your songs, 2nd Lieutenant Joel, alex		ALL A'S
9/29/2008		10:56:27 PM		julian.		serene. 12 hours to freedom, ryoma/ryohei, jabez_  life is random, shuffle your songs, 2nd Lieutenant Joel, alex		OR ITS GG

9/29/2008	10:56:40 PM	2nd Lieutenant Joel	serene. 12 hours to freedom, ryoma/ryohei, jabez_  life is random, shuffle your songs, julian., alex	ALL As OR TEAR UNDERWEAR
9/29/2008	10:56:45 PM	julian.	serene. 12 hours to freedom, ryoma/ryohei, jabez_  life is random, shuffle your songs, 2nd Lieutenant Joel, alex	YEA
9/29/2008	10:56:48 PM	julian.	serene. 12 hours to freedom, ryoma/ryohei, jabez_  life is random, shuffle your songs, 2nd Lieutenant Joel, alex	AND JABEZ WILL HELP

9/29/2008

10:57:22 PM

alex

serene. 12 hours to freedom, ryoma/ryohei, jabez_  life is random, shuffle your songs, julian., 2nd Lieutenant Joel

i onlt have one underwear

now i know why alex got all As. God gave him them so his underwear would be intact.
------------------

HAHAHAHAHAHA oh my. i read this until i was almost late for school.

2009-05-23T10:15:00.002+08:00

1) @$$$($p@$#@($w#$#%
2)!@#@$#c!#$#h!#$e!@$#!54325m
3)!@#w@#%#$h@^%y$&*:(@#$#$65634
4)!@#$#@%@4%@$%@#5$#%$^#k#$!@#%$#^g

if you're smart you'll know what this is.

2009-05-19T00:37:00.004+08:00

ahh freakk my ex bio teacher is so nice.
she's the first ever teacher to say im smart.
she's taught rjc students and she said that i have their intelligence and i said AMEN:) haha.

i believe God who created the heavens and the earth gives me His wisdom to do well in school. i was feeling quite shitty today. horrible chem test and some sad insights on my character. but yeah thank God for lovely teachers like her who seriously make darkness turn into light.

im sad once again that she left. favorite teacher so far. but at least i was taught by her from january till april. and i guess quality time with your children is the best thing on earth.

i wish her all the best and will be praying for God to bless her continually and watch over her :)

2009-05-12T00:19:00.002+08:00

my math teacher's personal nickname is "disappointed with test results"
when i saw that the first thought that was in my head was "shit serene confirm your fault one."
interestingly this came just seconds after listening to the free cd given out on sunday, and the emphasis was that there's no condemnation and we have the spirit of sonship (meaning im a child of God, destined for greatness)
i quickly realized its easy for the devil to put thoughts in your head that makes you feel unworthy and sucky and loserish. and normal people definately have times that they struggle with inferiority complex.
i remember one church camp a few years back where pastor amos said dont blame everything on the devil. (that the devil very poor thing cos we blame everything on him) but i learnt something recently. that every single bad thought comes from the devil, NOT ME. when a bad thought is in your head, its never "serene siau, you are so stupid." its always "am i stupid? i think im stupid" the devil makes US think bad thoughts and make US think that WE thought those thoughts, and put all the blame on us. no wonder those thoughts come so frequently!
anyway, if i had kept that thought of "shit serene confirm test result suck because of you", i would have gone offline and probably to bed wondering again and again if it was my fault, and not be able to sleep. but because God knew that this was going to come, He made sure i listened to His word so i could put what i learnt into practice straightaway. because He is my Father, and my future is in His hands, i have nothing to worry about. My God is bigger than my future and can you believe it He's my daddy and im directly related to Him. i should be the least worried about anything and yet i worry all the time.

My God knows exactly what is going to happen before it happens, and He protects me from it by providing His word for me. He loves me. you know how mommies always test the soup before serving it to you? that is exactly what God does. He made sure i knew that i was blessed before i came online and saw this potential knife that i would have taken to stab myself with had i not listen to His word.

haha i love my daddy God!

2009-05-07T23:26:00.003+08:00

i lost it without noticing.

i lost it without noticing.

i lost it without noticing.

before i plopped down to bed, i looked through a few past blogposts- something i havent done the entire year.

and i realized i was alot happier before,
when i had you in my life.

2009-05-07T23:04:00.003+08:00

WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH THE WEATHER

I SHOWER AND SHOWER AND SHOWER AND SHOWER AND SHOWER AND ITS STILL EXCRUCIATINGLY HOT

I WANT A BREAK CAN I PLEASE HAVE A BREAK PLEASE PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE

2009-05-06T15:39:00.003+08:00

you're priceless

i remember when i'd run to you through fields of white flowers,
your embrace was my air;
how i needed you there
all of the world and all of its powers'
couldnt keep your love, from me, no
couldnt keep your love from me

2009-05-02T00:44:00.000+08:00

wow

completely gave me energy once more

2009-04-27T23:03:00.002+08:00

idontwannagoonlivingbeingsoafraidofshowingsomeoneelsemyimperfections

jesus this blessing is some kind of a joke im absolutely baffled flabbergasted bewildered i dont know what to say or think i dont know i dont know i dont know i never expected it in my wildest dreams

i know You're good but honestly im very very very very very much afraid

ill have to let You do the carrying.

2009-04-23T19:39:00.000+08:00

OMG MY PI IS 2500 LONG AND THE WORD LIMIT IS 500

JESUS HELP

2009-04-22T23:54:00.003+08:00

just woke up from a long long nap, 8pm- now, WOW i havent felt this awesome in such a long time.
i have indeed been completely exhausted, really miss spending time with my daddy God ... :(

i find myself increasingly preferring to be alone nowadays, i dont know if its a good or bad thing. many people have come up to me asking me (out of concern) why im so quiet now, even my teachers; all i do is laugh it off and say "really meh"

just cant seem to find energy or enjoyment in spending time with people now. cant seem to enjoy company or have a good laugh or look into somebody's eyes genuinely wanting to know them better. relationships are a blood bought gift from God i know, and they're precious. dont know why i very much prefer to be left alone. maybe time alone right now will do me good since my life is completely sucked up, albeit unwillingly.

life is a crazy journey each day, woke up this morning realising that i was too late to go for morning training and this clearly reflects the state of my mental health - mental enough to not wake up for morning training, now that really scares me. i woke up realising that i completely overslept WOW

time has been my greatest enemy recently as i desperately fight against it for my beauty sleep.

my weeks have been one big blur, with deadlines tests and The Tormenter: PI launching themselves on me like many tiny missile bombs. i've completely missed one thing needful- and im absolutely resenting how i always forget to spend time with God. sheeeeez. that, i've come to realize, is the most dreadful feeling to have, maybe thats why i feel like i've been running on low oil. not because spending time with God is a christian thing to do but because it makes me feel half dead not feeding on His love for me each day.

my loss, i guess, but makes me want to make it up by spending a two hour holiday in His presence.

God has been faithful through it all, im amazed at how i managed to half survive every day with extremely little sleep and an insurmountable amount of workload. it hasnt been a pleasant period of time, but one thing i know: He is with me everyday. He walks with me, talks with me - even when i dont hear Him or dont reply. and i feel comforted that im going to get my lovely As because He loves me, despite my frailty and inadequacies

actually ive just come to a realisation that blogging at appropriate moments is good for the soul, haha

2009-04-06T19:33:00.003+08:00

nobody (and i mean NOBODY) has the right to publicize someone's salary bigbig on the newspaper without that somebody's permission.
for him to say its times like that he wishes he was not married just shows how big a blow this was to him, and more importantly so, his family.
FREAK
can anyone quantify the amount of lives and homes he has rebuilt?
i tell you, even if they dont pay him half a million in the church, EVERYWHERE HE GOES, he will get more money than that. much much more money. because God takes care of him.
the devil just trying to shoot down a wonderful leader. but oh man i have never seen any church rally around their leader so wonderfully. it warms my heart that even though the devil tried an attack, it was unsuccessful. HIGHLY UNSUCCESSFUL. because when you preach jesus in the church no weapon formed against it will even make a teeny scratch on His kingdom. and the more you try to attack His church the stronger it will grow. take that, old old serpent. lord of the FLIES!

lord i know you will bless him and his family much more and there's nothing the devil can do about it.

amen :)

2009-03-31T23:43:00.004+08:00

unbridled emotions.

GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!

PLEASE HELP ME IM DYING DOWN HERE ASDLF!!!!!!!!

I THINK EVERYTHING IS INSANE!!!!

ASLDFFFFFFFEFF!

I KNOW I SOUND LIKE A COMPLETE UNINTELLECTUAL NOOB BUT THATS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL AFTER TWO NIGHTS OF NO SLEEP, SCREWING PAPER AFTER PAPER AND HAVING TO REDO MY PI AFTER I SPENT SO MANY HOURS ON IT

AHH FREAK

:(

2009-03-23T22:05:00.002+08:00

a beautiful song

Exalted,
You will ever be exalted;
You are worthy of honor and praise
Adore Him,
I will ever bow before Him
To worship and praise Him all my days

a beautiful verse

When I am afraid,
I will trust in You
In God, whose word I praise,
in God i trust; I will not be afraid.
What can mortal man do to me?
Psalms 56: 3,4

2009-03-16T23:33:00.003+08:00

OMG SHIT IM PLAYING AGAINST SOPHIA THE MUSCLE WOMAN THIS THURSDAY

DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAI

serene. if this is what it takes, that's what i'll do. says:
hahaha gg to me julian you know how fast sophia runs
j. says:
lolol
j. says:
well you got stamina (:
j. says:
lol
j. says:
but of course i'll support sophia sorry !
j. says:
i gave her my first kiss man
j. says:
LOL

2009-03-06T23:40:00.002+08:00

today's atmosphere at hwachong was so freaking insane.
cant believe this is going to be me in two years time.
korkor all honour and glory be unto God.
IM SO PROUD OF YOU.
i knew it- seee even got so much chocolates for you cos i knew you'd be celebrating.
SIX DISTINCTIONS:)

sexy results slip!

2009-03-05T18:28:00.007+08:00

a not so rubbish post

haha OMG i had an extremely intriguing thought today i just have to write it down even though im supposed to be studying for my bio econs and gp test next week omgomgomg

anyway what happened was that someone farted while i was running this morning and i got so grossed out but since i was running, a random question popped into my head.

why do people fart?

the gas produced must have come from some neutralisation reaction and I THINK it occurs when we eat food- stomach acid is neutralised by the food we eat.
the gas passes through the walls of the various intestines and whatever rubbish, carrying little particles of sulphur, ammonia, iron, magnesium, oxygen, carbon dioxide, nitrogen as it passes through our digestive passage- i dont know, random particles?( i made up all those particles i dont really know what fart is made of but it can be deduced haha. and its highly random deduction but who cares, the combination stinks.)

the gas must have some kind of pressure, since its confined within the walls of our rectum- if so then what is the pressure needed for the gas to be a fart?
and what is the partial pressure for each of these gases- what is the gas that contributes most to a fart?

i think this is also why girls dont fart alot, food is a limiting reagent (in girls, since they eat so little) and stomach acid is in excess, so the amount of gas produced will only by rights be in proportion: litttttllleeee.

now i was always wondering why guys fart so much and girls hardly fart.
but seriously i was laughing like anything.
cant believe i actually thought this.

cant believe i never knew the coolness of chemistry.

anyway, ALL THE BEST IF YOU'RE RECEIVING YOUR A LEVEL RESULTS TOMORROW!(:
i would be freaking out two years time at this very same period of time.

2009-02-25T19:19:00.003+08:00

can i ever
never sleep and not fade
starve and never die
run and not grow weary
walk and never faint?

i need i need

2009-02-23T19:16:00.005+08:00

spell AMAZING.

woiswjfoiwj i dont even have time to sleep im blogging this using my phone in the toilet during a pathetic 15min break which is not enough to eat or sleep or study.

i think if i dont stop running soon my legs are going to explode into giant tree trunks.

she's skin and bones; she's beautiful

2009-02-22T00:18:00.002+08:00

oh man. how can words ever be enough to say "jesus you're simply amazing"
in times where i start being upset at people because they're saying the horrible-st stuff about me
in times where i begin to get angry and want to own them
you just show me over and over again your love is more than sufficient for me.
you are above all circumstances.
you are more than enough for me.

2009-02-15T23:56:00.003+08:00

im extremely exhausted.
tired of hearing nonsense - its polluting my mind,
pushing me to a corner,
forcing me to make an excruciatingly tough decision.
its not because im bothered by it.
its because it takes too much time and energy from me - i HAVE to bother about it,
even though its seriously not for me to bother,
(its for God to bother)
but i have to because of accountability and because i want to do things the right way.

i know my place now.
i just wish people would stop being so difficult.
im not superhuman - i cant care about every thousand and one thing in this world and thats why i need jesus,
and we all do.
i hope im making myself clear.

2009-02-15T02:08:00.001+08:00

i know this is really random at 2am at night but i would just like to say a huge thank you to mama for being my mama ever since like primary 6. Even though we lead two different lives i was always able to go to you no matter what the circumstances were and you to me and such a relationship is extremely rare and precious. You remained my mama through everything and i remember every memory we share since ancient times like arise days and etc and i really treasure this relationship you'll always be my mama. I love you and i know you're going to be awesome at a levels capable career woman haha.

2009-02-13T14:51:00.002+08:00

change and continuity.

this has taught me discernment.
thank God i heeded your advice and stopped the attachment awhile ago.

there's a time and season for everything.
but what remains is His word and those who cling on to His promises.

its the circle of life.
the people you care about dont care about you.
the people you dont care about care about you.

then you go through one revolution of the circle of life and you realize you should stop caring about the people you care about because they dont care. and you realize you should care about people you never cared about because they really care.

but its the circle of life.
by the time you realize who you should care about, they might have given up caring for you and moved on because you never cared.
and the people you cared about start to appreciate you but you've already moved on.

its the circle of life.
what goes around comes around.
we all grow up and learn.

discerning what's worth caring and whats not takes lots of prayer and going to the word.

be wise serene.
or the opportunity cost you'll have to pay might be too high.
and it'll then be too late to regret.

2009-02-13T00:19:00.002+08:00

assume: makes an ass out of you and me.

this is for valentine's.

life is a bed of roses,
it is really thorny;
when im around you
i get really.....

.
.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
corny.

i know what you were thinking.
shame on you.

lolll kidding.
happy valentines.

2009-02-11T20:34:00.002+08:00

emotions.

1) for judgmental hypocrites
im tired of you who talk nonsense all day. you obviously degrade yourself. so stop talking. yes i know you talk, and trust me you dont want to see me get mean.
and i can if you go overboard.
talk about you before talking about me.

2) for passing friends
pity the different people in your life who come and go all the time and seemingly matter then dont. pity me i fell for it.
at least i know better now than to emotionally drown myself for you.

3) for liars
stop lying, im not stupid; not as gullible as you think i am.
i know more than you think i know.

4) for those who need to check your sources
before you open your big mouth, double check if you're not just making an ass out of you.

5) for the busybodies
mind your own business - its biblical.

6) for myself
stop getting so bothered about nonsense like these; not worth your time and brain cells. do something constructive like study. and stop wasting your emotions on relationships - tried and tested; its not worth it.

and stop feeling so alone, its getting annoying.

stop the emotions.

2009-02-09T15:52:00.004+08:00

This is my prayer in the desert
When all that’s within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

VERSE 2:
This is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flame

CHORUS:
I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

VERSE 3:
This is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on its way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I’ll stand

BRIDGE:
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

VERSE 4:
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favour and providence flow
I know I’m filled to be emptied again
The seed I’ve received I will sow

2009-02-08T01:54:00.002+08:00

if i could, i would turn back time (not to grow younger like benjamin buttons, thats just way too weird).
i would turn back time because -
there were some friendships i wish i never forged,
some decisions i wish i never made,
some people's paths i wish i never crossed,
some things i wish i'd never given away,
some parts of my heart i wish i gave to someone else much more deserving..

some events i wish never happened.

but im glad through it all God was the glue that pieced my heart back together again.
but yeah its best that everyone forgets anything's ever happened.
bye i never want to see anything related to anything in my past thank you!

on a lighter note, jabez and alex are out. for less than 24 hours. yay but aww.

2009-02-04T22:25:00.002+08:00

so. this post is going to be really hard to write, because what im about to write is in my rawest, most genuinely naked state. writing this is going to leave me feeling extremely vunerable and exposed but i really need to write it because im really hoping my close friends will read it and maybe be kind enough to offer some help. i thought of putting a password to my blog so others who dont really know me wont be able to read it. but you know what, heck, im writing it anyways. you can judge me however you like, but i take comfort that you're not the judge thats created me and you're not going to be the Last judge.

really, behind my happy smiles and bimbotic moments, seemingly confident character (believe it or not) is a person (me) who is extremely competitive, highly insecure and is constantly comparing myself to people people people, nitpicking at every single perceived or unperceived flaw and trust me, it doesnt feel good. even with the constant reminder from my parents and from my quiet time and from messages that i've been listening to that its not "by right" but by grace, i still quietly worry, compare, then feel so freaking noob in comparison and think "no way, i cant" and its seriously annoying because it hinders me in whatever i do. i want to do this and do that but then i screech to a haltingly halt and say "impossible this is never going to happen" and the thing is i know its really impossible.

i have a wish.

and my life, i can almost say, revolves around this wish.
right now it seems like this wish is never going to come to pass.
and since my life kind of revolves around this wish i have no idea what im going to do if im not able to realize it.

i like to be in control.
i like to have security in tangible things.

but i realize that the older i get the more things spiral out of my control and there's nothing i can do about it. i keep repeating to myself "depend on God depend depend you dependant" but everyday im faced with new challenges and continue to remain fazed.

there is a few things i must have to be in a better position of fufiling this wish. (see im not even going to tell you my wish because im already thinking "im not going to make it")

these few things are extremely hard for me to get in and right now its really almost impossible.
its highly prestigious and im far from bein the top student but i still silently keep this wish in my heart.

and i look around me and get so freaking scared off by the brainy brainiacs who seem to be able to clock unearthly timings in races and win ten thousand scholarstic awards and is in student council and get 4.0 ++ GPA on top of that the president of ten other clubs.

they. are. all. around. me.

and im like some nooby noob not running for any leaderleader position cos i dont trust myself to be leader like seriously.

i know almost everyone else faces this. no big deal no big deal.

but to me its overwhelming. i dont know but i seriously think i cant make it cos of the competition but i really want to.

thats why i think i'll need a new place right now, one transitional year, then a complete shift.

okay i better come to a haltingly halt, im not supposed to be saying stuff like that but yeah. enough said.

at least i know God wont condemn me for anything.

2009-02-02T17:13:00.004+08:00

i see grace

i've always been looking to my left right and everywhere around me
relying on the river Nile.
now its time to look up,
completely dependent on God for rain that comes from heaven -
where bread is always present,
my Father's house.

i see grace sealed by Your sacrifice
i see love reaching for me
precious blood washes and sanctifies
healing flows, setting me free
i see grace

2009-01-31T23:37:00.010+08:00

the future beckons.

i havent been this happy in a long long while.thank you for your belated birthday present kor, and your "because serene is so awesome thats why" present bez, i absolutely LOVE it. it was such a surprise and a shock, i couldnt even believe what i was seeing. i couldnt even accept it because i've never been showered with so much love before, except when mabel used to pay for me, haha (im planning on doing it back to her when i start earning my own disposable income:P ) but you guys are extravagant. i dont deserve any of it, and im lost for words at your lavish display of affection for me. im not someone who feel special when people give me gifts because i know some of them just buy it at the last minute and pass it to me. sure the thought counts but then i treasure spending quality time more. you guys spend all your time with me and do everything to try and make me smile. even if im already smiling just because of your presence you just go all out for me; what can i say? i can never ever find the words enough to say, except that you guys must be angels from heaven sent down on earth because Jesus loves me so so much.

im definitely highly favoured, greatly blessed and deeeeeeply loved.

it broke my heart seeing how exhausted both of you were today; you could barely keep your eyes opened. and im the one usually being the pig, this time keeping up because when i see you two struggling to keep awake i know you had it rough and it pains me. yet you still made time for me and met up with me instead of spending the day at home sleeping, even though i really do want you all to be sleeping because before long it'll be field camp soon, it hurts to know that you both are going to be so duper tired AGAIN. i know you both can do it though, you both are exuding proness beyond my imagination. im praying for you and missing you terribly, pushing myself to work hard too. i dont care if its going to be a long and arduous journey, every single excruciating step is worth it. just one moment of seeing your faces light up when you smile at pasir ris, hearing your voices over the phone at night, clutching on to your strong buff arms (kor you like this right:P ) once more - all the tears and all the loneliness is more than worth it. even though times like today is going to be rare from now onwards, and i might never hear your voices for long periods of time because of school and army commitments, im in it for the long run. its going to be a tough race but run it and never ever give up because God is our strength.

im determined to go to uni with you, buy condo next door apartments, (or HDB) migrate and travel the world - everything, with you,

life is worth living.

this is where it all begins.

2009-01-30T09:27:00.002+08:00

haha i finally got to use the internet but im in school and have lesson in half an hour.
promised i'd do this so here goes:

jabez the left hander got marksman with a right handed FAULTY rifle!
how pro(:
SO PROUD OF YOU!

yay tonight is the night!

woww

2009-01-26T00:36:00.003+08:00

i would want to extend my deepest sorriest sorry to jabez tan for being a pig and sleeping through your 24 missed calls and causing you to

jabez_ please let me carry that says:
yea i was kind of sad when i couldn't wake you up this morning
jabez_ please let me carry that says:
was totally looking forward to seeing you early
jabez_ please let me carry that says:
i couldn't sleep after that
jabez_ please let me carry that says:
was like listening to paul washer sermons
jabez_ please let me carry that says:
and music
jabez_ please let me carry that says:
and emoing

my heart is breaking more than it could ever right now and i so absolutely abhor myself for wasting your precious book out on my sleep i promise you from today my phone will be on loud vibration mode that screams wake up serene you are such a pig

if i still cant wake up i will smack my butt in my dreams so i wake up

im terribly sorry you i 5453 968 8379 6824 and 968 6326 843 96753 86 63 and ill try my hardest to never fall asleep on you ever again

IM SORRY<3

2009-01-26T00:07:00.004+08:00

i finally got an answer to your question you asked a year ago,
at around this time of last year

am i a chicken or an eagle?

i thought it was a stupid question. and i resented it. but now i know:

Without God,
im a chicken.
With God,
im an eagle.

eagles are meant to soar.

you are what you repeatedly do.
excellence, therefore, is not an act,
but a habit.

2009-01-21T23:01:00.003+08:00

my 100th post shall be an emo one because i have a fever and im alone in my room and my parents are not picking up their phone and i want to go hoooome. because i feel like sai :(

can just imagine tchrs calling me whining whinging pathetic j1 girl haha :(
i like crying whatttttt.

grow up lah ser.

i can take care of myself

seeing your faces tomorrow will make everything im going through worthwhile.

2009-01-20T00:41:00.000+08:00

I WANT TO GO TO ISL VIETNAM.
KIDS SO CUTE.
80HRS CIP

AHHH SCORE WELL SERENE SIAU!

2009-01-18T00:08:00.004+08:00

I WANT TO GOOOOO. BUT
-------------------------------------------------------------
1) Hey Guys!

Great to see that all of you are really interested in going for the Myanmar CIP! (; Trust me it is a great experience.

Okay I know many of you guys want more details, so we are preparing a circular for all of you that you can take and read and learn more about the trip. The circular will be ready by Monday, so please meet me at the parade square (where we have assembly) at 7 20 am. Please do not forget, and if it is too early for you, then please inform me by smsing or calling me at 91502069 (:

First off, I'll give you some details about the trip. For ISL, your parents would have to be PAACT Members. It's not a very tedious process, all you got to do is fill up a form. I will pass it to you on Monday as well.

1. The trip is from 14-21 March, and you will get more than 70 hours of CIP for the trip alone. That's more than sufficient for an entire year :D You will also get hours for working during the pre-preparation phase, so in total, the number of CIP hours will be very large!

2. Once the team is confirmed, which should be by end Jan, we will have weekly meetings, every Saturday. All of you will get an opportunity to work on matters such as creating a handbook, and performing cultural items! All admin matters and monetary issues are already settled, so it will not be very hassling for you guys. No worries (:

3. You will only have to pay about 500-600 dollars. This includes your air ticket, insurance and VISA expenses. All lodging, food and travel have already been sponsored. This is a pretty small amount compared to other trips!

4. All of us in the organizing team are really hoping that this trip will be a success. For this, we need to get about 22 students. So try to get your friends involved in this trip as well, working along with your friends in such CIP is always an awesome experience (;

5. Lastly, I AM REALLY SORRY but JH1s are too young to participate in this trip ): Don't worry though, there will be another one next year, and you'll be able to participate then! My apologies.

So guys, dont hesitate to commit tothe trip! I've gone for it and I can tell you that the trip is a gret experience-you really learn about yourself and about the poverty stricken people in Myanmar.

If you guys have any enquiries, please sms or email me. If not, see you Monday at 7 20 am at the parade square (;

Have a good weekend,
Arthi Anbalagan

2)

Term 1 Break

Saturday, 14 March - Sunday, 22 March, Year 2009

3) Alex's POP: 11 MAR
Jabez's POP: 10 MAR

BOOHOOOHOOO.

2009-01-15T19:28:00.002+08:00

helllooooo, im in boarding school. here's a quick one:
1) no hot water
2) no internet
3) no tv
4) no newspaper, i have no heck of an idea whats happening around me now
5) no fridge, therefore no foooood
6) NO WASHING MACHINE, AND IM REALLY PISSED THAT THIS IS THE SECOND DAY ILL HAVE TO LIVE WITH DIRTY UNIFORM

okay other than number 6, im really loving boarding school cos NEWS FLASH
i've been studying every free time i have :) ( SMILEEE )and reading the bible alot.
since there is no internet no tv no nothing, im too bored to lay in bed rotting, and everyone around me is mugging, it gets really fun studying. yay i feel really smart now honestly, no kidding. you should try this man, studying gives you satisfaction. reading the bible is the most refreshing thing at 530am in the morning.

you guys should try throwing out your fridges, tv and computer. no im not kidding, life gets much much better. btw im using my dad's mobile internet, but rest assured im rarely coming online except to do work so this will be my very last blog post for a long while. (since i need to update my sister and everyone else too)

to daddy mommy pearlyn and timothy, i miss you alllll!!!!!!

i really miss my family. and those who mean alot to me (you know who you are. mabel, jul, melly, justin, nat etc. of course jabez and alex but they cant read this)

NEWS FLASH #2

IM ETERNALLY GRATEFUL THAT GOD HAS BLESSED ME WITH A FREAKING B3 FOR HCL O LEVELS.
B3 may suck to some of you, but i happen to really suck at chinese so im happyyyy :)
thank You Lord, You are indeed faithful.

how do we know God loves us?
He took upon Himself what we deserved which is sin and damnation, and gave unto us what we dont deserve - eternal life in His presence, and life abundant on earth. - timothy siau :)
You deserve all honour, power and glory for every triumph in my life, Father.
i embark on this journey to battle the A level monster with You Lord. I am weak but You will enable me to do all things.

i cant wait to triumph with You once more.

2009-01-11T00:34:00.003+08:00

school seems really intimidating right now.
1) no fbt in boarding school rule
and i have no other shorts other than fbts HAHA
2) no internet, no hot water, no fridge?
3) no pillow, sucky blanket
this is just the beginning, and i dont really mind but this, is horror
4) HCL O LEVELS RESULTS ON MONDAY = GG
5) double power maths class (one tutorial class and one lecture oh my goodness gracious)
6) three big bags, one pillow, one florescent light, one teddy bear and one little cushion knitted by mama waiting to be lugged tmr
7) chemistry lesson in the longest time ever
8) apparantly, if i whine about the 7 scary things above, i will get a huge scolding but what seems very annoyed teachers (duh, since they have so much things to oversee, what with the last minute rules and regulations and everyone not knowing them, such as the fbt rule. i hope they dont get mad that i really have nothing else other than fbts, cos i honestly wear them everyday)
9) and no more mommy and daddy to protect me, im under the surveillance of teachers 24/5 and that to me is the most intimidating cos i attract Trouble with a capital T BUTTT

nevermind the future is bright amen.

2009-01-09T23:33:00.001+08:00

i think about you.

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part
You roll outta bed and down on your knees
And for the moment you can hardly breathe
Wondering was she really here?
Is she standing in my room?
No she's not, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The giving up is the hardest part
She takes you in with her crying eyes
Then all at once you have to say goodbye
Wondering could you stay my love?
Will you wake up by my side?
No she can't, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

Now do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hands
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hands?
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hands?
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my , roses in my hands?

Would you get them if i did?
No you won't, 'cause you're gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part

this was sept 30, when i first heard you play the guitar,
i promise,
you swept my heart away.

I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world (makes me smile)
but she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls are continually changed

And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hand
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me

Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Ooh, you see that skin?
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left
cleaning up the mess he made

So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Boys, you can break
You find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without warmth from
A woman's good, good heart

On behalf of every man
looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world

So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters, too
So mothers be good to your daughters, too
So mothers be good to your daughters, too.

crap stop making me cry already?

2009-01-09T23:00:00.003+08:00

this is for you before its my turn next.

julian,
i miss them so much. they're always in my mind,
scenes dear to me replaying over again and again,
like a broken recorder,
except with high definition and surround sound,
and each time it happens my heart is filled with ache.
i think about all the happy times we shared,
how overjoyed i felt around them;
i think back at all the dumb moments and i dont know whether i should smile or cry,
i did have the time of my life,
but i guess all good things have to come to an end.
tears never fail to spring to my eyes,
when i remember each time they're by my side,
i got to hold their skinny arms,
yet still feel safe and secure.
the spontaneous action we always got going on,
the food hunts and rave dances,
the random meetups at various places.
all these memories only serve as a reminder of their absence,
i cant keep my mind of it.
pretty soon its my turn to be independent julian,
and i will be really lonely,
you're the only one left, along with melly,
who has promised me to still be there beside me when they cant be.
i appreciate it alot,
because you remind me of them,
remind me of the good times spent together.
please jul,
dont forget me,
i'll cry,
im alone now,
and i promise ill call you 12MN 12 Jan 2009.
use your freedom wisely,
dont go clubbing away your sadness.
only do it when im around next year (once i turn 18)
so i can keep an eye on you.

with love,
serene.

2009-01-09T00:12:00.002+08:00

i am filled with dread as the hour draws close.
all these while when bez was gone, kor has been an emotional source of strength
(of course i draw strength from God too,)
however, when tmr comes,
both of them will be gone,
leaving me all alone again.

i miss you

2009-01-07T23:59:00.004+08:00

and with every propel away from you the nerves that connects my heart to yours wore thin

tears have fallen off my face without my permission for the 9th time today.
i miss you

korrrr please not you next.

2009-01-06T20:23:00.009+08:00

Hermès Tea Cups says:
i dont wanna cry cause if you cry, your friend will feel even sadder.

7 jan 2009. this is where it really begins.

test number One.

I am not a child now.
I can take care of myself.
I mustn't let them down now-
Mustn't let them see me cry.
i wont cry. i wonttt cry.

would you promise me to never ever let go,
would you look into the sky and remember what we shared?
would you be my inspiration through the valleys,
would you look at the stars, see how they shine for you -
i miss you

2009-01-04T01:06:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JIE

youre 17 now. freaking old heh. hope you aren't sad anymore. stop getting into trouble leh.
this is the first time im writing you a blogpost/letter/whatsoever freak its weird.
though i never really say this, you got into trouble lots of times for me and done a lot for me and i appreciate it a lot. i often look up to you ( sometimes am jealous of you and whatever la but thats not the point) cause of stuff i do not want to mention, this post is getting too mushy. as we grow up many things has changed especially cos of school and boys hahaha sometimes i miss the old times but im glad you've found jabez. God bless you both. although we fight a lot and many times you suck a lot too but
you'll always be the best
i love you.

P.S. i forgot to tell you. YOU ARE NOT FREAKING FAT.

---------------------------

i love my meimei.

2009-01-04T00:30:00.003+08:00

To mei,

These two years flew by with you around. It seems like it was only yesterday when I first met you. You were clad in a red shirt and I had no frigging idea who you were, but we've come a long way from anonymity. Many can stand for that.

It's been a joy knowing you mei. You were initially my bitching partner but I levelled up and became your brother lolol. Thus, I liken our relationship to a dota game --> level 1: strangers, level 2: friends., level 3: bitching partner, level 4: mei, level 5: cousin in law??? (but still my mei of course) hahah. Always engaging, always entertaining, always enjoyable, a dota game in essence which I hope lasts for a lifetime instead of a mere 45minutes.

In all my years I've known you, I've found you to be an unassuming, selfless and loving individual. I admire and love you for being the way you are. To sum you up in a single word: awesome. For every chiding you get from your parents, every relationship problem you fall into and every indescribably, messed up situation you find yourself in, my heart aches for the torment you have to endure. But remember that I'll always be here for you mei. A-L-W-A-Y-S.

Jabez is privileged to have met someone like you. Someone of such mental calibre, emotional maturity and physical attractiveness is a rarity. Well done jabez, clap clap clap lololol. SOOO GAY. Cousin, I am proud of you for your achievement. Then again, my cousin is awesome too. So clap clap clap mei, well done to you as well (:

Such a great person so greatly misunderstood. Don't feel bad if there're people who dislike you because they dont know who you really are yet. Justin, Julian, Jabez, Joseph (frigging 4 Js wtheck?) and alex still think you rock lool.

Army calls and I have to answer. I hope our relationship continues to strengthen mei. As the school term approaches, I am confident that with your intelligence, astuteness and selfmotivation, and most importantly God's grace, Junior College will be a memorable and smooth sailing journey for you. Always look to God for courage and strength mei, plus your kor'll only be a phone call away on weekdays.

Psalms 121
I lift up my eyes to the hills --where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD,the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip --
He who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, He who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.

The LORD watches over you --
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day,nor the moon by night.
The LORD will keep you from all harm --He will watch over your life;
the LORD will watch over your coming and goingboth now and forever more.

Claim this passage mei when the stress seems insurmountable, when the scoldings seem unbearable.

A Happy 17th birthday (:

with love,
alexxx

----------------------------
15 mins before MN, crying cos im getting owned.
before MN, isaac lim, isaac tan and shikai wished.
MN, parents presented me with the biggest ang bao of my life, after owning me. lol.
pearl and my big brother timothy hugged, tim gave me an angbao, WITH ALL HIS SAVINGS. so cuteeeee!
KOR AND JABEZ COUNTING DOWN LIKE CRAZY PEOPLE OVER THE PHONE then singing a really sweet happy birthday to me.
belle called and wished me. OMG I MISS YOU
mama, julian (who thought my birthday was yesterday HAHAHAHA), eudora sam sin messaged, with lover singing to me happy birthday in his sms.
sam leo wished me over msn

all the unexpected people. no matter how you wished, what you did, i love you all so much and im extremely grateful that you remembered. you've made my day and i hope ill make yours when the time comes.

with love.

----------------

364.25 days ago, while on the bus ride to school, it was my 16th birthday, and this was playing on my sister's ipod into my ear

Lord of all the earth
How You care for me
You have made me
You will save
And carry me always

[c]
You are faithful
You are faithful
You are faithful
Your joy is my strength

Lord You are my guide
I rely on You
I put my hope in things not seen
Your promises all true

[b]
A;ways You're with me
Your hand will lead me
My trust is in Your name

God has indeed brought me through one dark year.

2009-01-03T23:44:00.002+08:00

i care enough,
till i see that,
no matter how much i care,
nothing's going to ever change.
then ill make up my mind,
to really not care,
even if it hurts,
maybe some day it'll work

2009-01-03T23:29:00.001+08:00

if this is how seventeen is going to be like,
i never want to be seventeen.
i dont even care if you take me up to heaven right now.

2009-01-03T14:50:00.003+08:00

it was kor's birthday yesterday.
might not have meant anything to some of you but it sure was a big deal for me.
i dont know about everyone else in this world kor but i'm definitely going to seize each moment i have with you before you enter the army.
it was disappointing but take heart.
we love you.
and you trump everything/everyone.
<3

what breaks my heart however,
is that i really think you deserved much better.

2009-01-02T23:17:00.008+08:00

happy 19th birthday dear mabel.

you are one really unpredictable best friend and with you around, life is always a rollar coaster ride. you play the love hate game so well, being in an awesome mood one minute and act like the whole world has just pissed you off in another. you really dont let anybody get to you and thats probably what attracted me to you. me having a weak minded letting people bully me all the time and you having a domineering "i dont care about you im going to do it my way" attitude makes you and me like soya bean grassjelly and chocolate fudge brownie with vanilla ice cream. totally opposite but put together oh so good. the best part is throughout all our differences i know you'll own whoever bullies me. and you'll never fail to stand up for me even if im the one being a noob. (of course you'll scold me for being so bimbo, but thats not the point)

we talked about celebrating every single birthday together with alex, but this year was really pretty different. i wish you were more open to celebrating with us, but i do understand you have school and all that. i also know you feel like i havent been spending enough time with you, but if you just think back, i tried many times to catch up and stuff but we just never got the chance to. all i want is to hang out one on one with you again like we used to do, even though things are different now that i have one more person who means alot to me.

however i wished you'd understand that despite this, it never changed the way i feel about you.
all im saying is, it doesnt matter who enters my life, i value your friendship just as much. you're pretty much like family to me, and i know i sound mushy right here but i've always hoped we'd grow old together and migrate to australia with your jap hubby (even though i know its really ________ that you like, HAHA) , with little jap singaporean kids in tow. it does make me sad if we cant spend time together and although i just never built up the courage to say it, it makes me sad when you reject all the initiative i took to meet up with you but i trust you have your reasons.

i really treasure you despite everything we go through. school, boys, mood swings, pms and politics; no matter how major the fight is on the richter scale, i hope what lasts will only show what me and you are really made of.

ten more minutes to your birthday. i hope you have the time of your life.

2009-01-02T00:12:00.011+08:00

before i start this post off, KOR I MEANT TO POST THIS AT 12 MN, IF MY DAD DIDNT FORCE ME TO GO JB AND COME BACK SO LATE I WOULD HAVE, BUT IM SORRY I DIDNT MAKE IT IN TIME:( JUST KNOW THAT I WOULD HAVE IF I COULD! sorrrrry :(
i also cant believe i was in the freaking toilet pangsaing and i missed 12mn. what awesome timing really, im quite pissed hahaha ill make it up to you kor.

to the most amazing, most awesome, most handsome, cutest, sexiest, hottest, most charming, sweetest, skinniest, most hey good looking kor in the whole galaxy,

HAPPY 19 TH BIRTHDAY!!

I LOVE YOU (:

i never felt so protected and loved by anyone else other than God and parents until i met you. you know my deepest darkest secrets and i know yours, you helped me overcome so many barriers and helped me break through all my insecurities. we've shared many heart to heart talks and even though i might not have met you long enough to reach this level, we've surpassed the normal level of intimacy and im so glad to call you kor. sounds cheesy but i dont really care kor and i hope you know it(:

i look up to you as a role model in so many ways, academically, achievements wise and balancing your priorities. you're the only IP kid i know in church so it is really rather awesome that me and you can relate to each other so much. the bonus? haha you're really the one that brought me and jabez to where we are now AND I CAN NEVER THANK YOU ENOUGH FOR THAT.

come this week, both you and bez, the two people i love sooooooooo much, arent going to be able to spend as much time as we did the recent months. my heart will ache really badly when i think of you both, and you dont know how much i never ever want to say goodbye. i never want the moment to come where i'll have to see you and bez walking into camp, walking away from me. i've been through this once and it was awful, but with both of you, the intensity is way too much for me to handle ill just bury my head in my books and cry.

but i know this will be a much needed learning journey for you and bez, and i hope you get your much coveted buff bod that you've always wanted. (although i think you're sizzling hot and goodlooking already, look at how many girls vying for you kor) remember during times when you're down, that God will be your guide and He will be your strength. emo into your pod and cry into the little prince mittens without letting anyone see, and remember your meimei misses you so badly and is always thinking of you. i hope this puts a smile to your face.

last but not least, you mean the world to me..
(bez of course, means the universe and God means the galaxy, you get my drift, HAHA)
sorry lah, ill continue praying for an awesome girl to come.
of course, she'll have to get pass your mei's approval first. :P

i love you kor.

2008-12-31T00:35:00.004+08:00

this is how i feel when i'm beside you.

and across the sunset sky we'll fly

2008-12-30T00:16:00.003+08:00

four days

2009
marks the start of an entirely new journey. honestly, it is going to be one scary ride. i know there'll be times in the pitch black abyss, almost losing my direction all over and almost falling back over to the otherside which is a really scary thought because i fought so hard to cross the line of no return.

school is going to be insanely hard like it was, except tens of thousands times harder.

however i know my Father's grace is with me through it all.
and also i've got everyone who cares right beside me.

2008 was really tough for me. majority of the year was spent in a deep dark cage being tormented over and over again. unexplainable, but very real and very scary. however i dont think anyone around me really knew anything about the trauma and the fear i was holding all inside of me, only 3 people in this whole world know so we'll just leave it as that. please do not ask me about it, i might have renounced it but it doesnt mean ive gotten over it. and i still break down whenever i tried to talk about it, yes i've tried and i cried super embarrassingly so thanks but no thanks not ever again.

its always the seemingly happy people that is bottling all sorts of trash inside of them.
well i never want to go back there. its a constant struggle really. the true test that i have truly overcome is when i cross life's finishing line.

God has blessed me with far more than i could ever ask for. and i would like to think that its an incentive for pressing on.

im really really loving how things are turning out. its going to be a drastic change once 2009 rolls in and im really not looking forward to it but i must admit there are many changes i want to make:

1) become independent, yet relying on God
2) be really thrifty
3) join kickboxing
4) appreciate the people around me aka fruits of the spirit as i've mentioned
5) geek alert

haha i do have a goal in two years time and im not saying it out. but im relying on God's grace cos i know i'll never be able to accomplish that on my own.

sweet dreamsss

2008-12-29T13:21:00.005+08:00

quickk update.

1) legrande - IM SO GLAD ITS OVER.

2) CHRISTMAS - had the best christmas ever since KOR came with us to perak last minute, im really loving his new found spontaneity. at first i didnt think he was serious, and then things started working out and in less than half an hour he was sitting right beside me on the bus to perak woooohooo.

3) PERAK - movies super cheap, IP MAN FTW. i love IP MAN, im so glad those japanese are burning in hell right now. hot hot hooooot wife man/ IP MAN EXUDES COOLNESS. WATCH IPMAN WATCH IPMAN!!! im proud to be chinese. FOOOOD IMBAA. but reciprocal r/s with quantity and quality. KIT KAT SPAMS AND CHEWING GUM IN PANTS. sweaty palms and unreadable fingerprints.

4) ALEX IS MY KOR.

5) MY HAMSTERS GAVE BIRTH WHILE I WAS AWAY. KIARA PROUD MOMMMYYY OF 6 LITTLE SQUIRMY KIDDOS. she gave birth to 7 but one unfortunately died, bez has a picture of it.

6) i made new record for getting owned the most number of times in the shortest period but oh wells i am having fun. btw im getting owned for no good reason and

7) THE PUZZLE IS VERY NEARLY DONEEEE

8) kor's reaction when he received his christmas present: PRICELESS. i hope everytime you see your pink ipod and listen to hsm in army you'll think of me and bez.

mabel nat godbro and godsis please collect your presents from me thank you very much and
JULIAN change of plans for your present ill need more time.

okay i just realized 4th of jan is this sunday, this is so freaky. i liked being 16.

NEW YEAR GO AWAY LAH

ooh im not going to blog this week i foresee so yup

resolutions for the new year

1) no more getting myself into sai haha kidding basically no more commitments in church and etc
2) fruits of the spirit love joy peace patience kindness goodness gentleness faithfulness and self control
3) talk to bez and kor everyday in the army no matter how busy and
4) constant talking to God

not happy new year everyone/

2008-12-19T02:14:00.014+08:00

I MISS MABEL SIN MEIYEE! :( :( :(

stuck on each other for such a long time already. hahahaha. she's family.
right now she's halfway around the world in disneyworld having a time of her life.
and i missssssss her :(
i miss her calling other people noobs and owning everyone and dictating what to do.
without her there's no one who tells us what to do and we take 20 yrs to make a decision.
nothing is same without ma bellyy
oh wells.
someday both of us (and the above mentioned people, namely, in order, according to the queen's wishes, justin, nat, jabez and alex) will go to disneyworld together!

update from the queen: she misses us. SHE MISSES US!
ahahahahaahaha :P
love. <3

2008-12-17T23:39:00.020+08:00

i really miss my brother.at the airport before he left for taiwan.
big guy never gives his jiejie hugs.

he's coming back this saturday. i always bully him, but now that he's not around, i really miss having someone to wrestle to the ground. and i miss sleeping on his tummyyy :(
timomo come back sooon!
haha i can imagine him cringing already.

we had awesome food trips though.

authentic thai beef noodles, super awesommmmmmmme!

jul and bp, being the usual retards!

strawberry prata 3am in the morning.

food stampede!!

we went to the most absurd places.

(: (: (: (:

blows me awayyy

this is one crazy place

singapore's skyline is simply amazing

my role models hahahaha.

zoo pictures up on FB. too lazy to blog about it.
last picture, my favouriteee

this is where it all begins (:

----------------------

My love, it burnt out like a star
existing minimally on no more than water and
imaginary pills,
taken to alleviate the pain that
you were causing. I wanted to stay
unassuming and blissfully unaware.
Yet the surprise did not arrive
All the things I deny myself now are a
consequence of the misfortune we were,
the jaded exterior an indirect and accumulated
result.

Now that I think back upon it
the state I was in
was a heightened blur of happiness, point blank
superficial happiness, none of the God-given joy
For you, about you, only you
Did you know?
I am ashamed to admit how much you affected me
How my days were worth nothing
I hope
I deserve more

2008-12-17T01:52:00.002+08:00

to jabez and alex, the two awesomest guys in the world,
i love you both very very very much.
you have no idea how much strength and comfort you bring to me
with each confession i made,
you helped me heal a little more
accepting me as i am.
i was so afraid and very much ashamed
i couldnt bring myself to say the things i did
i'd been living with the guilt for so long now
living with the shame.
your hugs make me feel so secure
your words always reassuring

i love you so very much
you'll always be dear to my heart
i cant lose any of you
and i would definately trade my life for yours:)

2008-12-16T03:27:00.001+08:00

wlaoooo
...........
last time im ever going to get myself in saiiiii.

2008-12-16T00:03:00.003+08:00

been feeling really dry lately. maybe its time to read the word. just felt like this passage would be really apt.

Galations 5:19

Life by the Spirit
16So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. 17For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. 18But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law.
19The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. 25Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.

--------------------------------------------------------

my definition of dating: getting to know one another more.
my definition of going steady: having marriage in mind.

so yes, i guess we're dating(:

2008-12-14T23:30:00.003+08:00

half an hour more before the day ends.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY EUDORA!
you're hot,pretty, and always infectious with joy from within.
you're awesome!
SWEET SIXTEEN(:

2008-12-11T22:53:00.005+08:00

freak. im super touched. look.

BP: I'm so proud of you for overcoming your bondages and I can't wait to share one last dance with you before i enlist. Ah. You look ___ in a two __ suit (you know what im talking about) if only i didnt need to enlist huh. ):

I dread the 9th of January. I'll be seeing everyone i love still, but it wouldnt be the same. I'll miss you ethel, serene, julian, justin, mabel, actro, melly, jabez, joseph and everyone else. GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh bp i love youuuu.
<3<3>

10 Dec 08, 22:04

nat: omg i just realised my name has a heart next to it!I LOVE YOU! <3

10 Dec 08, 11:45

nat: shepherd's pie!goshhh.PJ BAKING PARTY SOON PLEASEEE [: [: [:

10 Dec 08, 11:44

nat: a pau again pleaseee!omg i miss doing that.and i wanna fight with you for food!omg omg can we bake yet.since you spoilt the oven and got it fixed we havent done any baking.and im still waiting for my

10 Dec 08, 11:42

nat: omg omg serene's starting to talk like jabez."sssooo dumbb" LOL.eh serene im super damn happy that it's all behind us now.and now it's so awesome,i wanna eat KFC with you!and i wanna wake you up with

NAT. you made me cry. hahahaha you're absolutely gorgeous. HUGSNKISSESHUGSNKISSES.

Serene - My Monkey, or was i her Monkey, idk which way but MINUS POINTS MINUSPOINTS
(:

serene: for the ever crazy moments of dunking the campers. LOL cheeers.
aww julian.

I LOVE YOU ALL. in emo times such as now, you make my day, make my night, make my noon and etc etc
i loooooove you all!

Im going to MISS MABEL SIN MEIYEE

2008-12-08T22:07:00.004+08:00

youth campppppppppp - SHAKE IT!

this youth camp was seriously so special. like it was so messed up, but because it messed up, everyone really bonded in the most unexpected ways. like the campsite sucked, so everyone started bringing out their speakers and blasting SHAKE IT and started dancing like retards. you should see the guys man they were dancing way more than me, mabel and nat usually do. everyone just like didnt care and started doing retarded stuff. its the MABELSERENENAT VIRUS! soon you'll catch the hsm virus :)

and when the rain came we had so much fun dunking each other in the rain.
when the mat for dog and bone tore apart we decided to get muddy and play soapy muddy dog and bone instead LOL. i was the dunker and THANK YOU JESUS NO ONE OWNED ME IN THE END. God's grace MUAHAHAHAHA.
when we didnt have the room for talent show the canteen turned out to be the awesomest stage for talent show.

in short the devil was trying (and failing repeatedly) to screw MANY MANY THINGS UP but oh my goodness it seriously backfired. (:

i could see the groups really bonding. everyone was like saying " my group is the best" but let me tell you, BLING OWNS. B L I N G! GET YOUR BLING ON. i love you bling! although i didnt get to spend much time with all of you, i think you have the best attire, best team culture (blingblingbling! blingaliciousssss), best team friendship, best chemistry (ahem), and BEST DANCE!!!! who cares if you all came in last, we needed the tissue cos we're so sad we had to part ways haha.

haha NOW IM ALLOWED TO BE BIASED, WHOEVER NOT HAPPY MINUS POINTS! (:

the best part? there was a major spiritual breakthrough. i never seen everyone wailing so loudly simultaneously. the whole room was filled with screaming and crying and more wailing. some were spasming haha it was quite freaky. i had such an encounter going through a thorough clean up session with God. wow and the devil was fighting hard and not letting me go. im so serious. my chest was hurting and i couldnt stop screaming. it was such a draining and weird encounter. i was pinned to the ground and i couldnt get up. i couldnt control my thoughts and it was like this bad movie playing in my head and then God telling my about His plans and purpose for my life but i was trapped with all the bitterness and unforgiveness i never knew i harboured deep down inside for so long. like cancer taking over my soul. i was perspiring continuously, couldnt stop sobbing so hard and i was screaming "ouch ouch ouch" and my whole face was red man. but when God was dealing with me, i couldnt help but keep screaming im sorry, jesus save me, im a sinner and etcetc.

it was so hard to confess all the crap in my life. but once i did, God completely healed me. He took away all my guilt and shame. i crossed the line of no return. no turning back. i belong to jesus.
but it was such a draining encounter, i think i lost 3 kg just from doing that. i didnt even notice the weight loss lah. when i came home, my mom was like why you lose so much weight at camp? and i went to look and the mirror, didnt believe it man. i went to weigh myself, freak im going to be the same weight as my sister and guess what my arms are as big as hers! okay major pig out tomorrow hahahahahaha :) THAI FOOD AT BEACH ROAD GODBRO!

i seriously bonded with everyone. i love:
mabel, you're almost like my sister, i loved sleeping beside you, singing in the shower with you, screaming wake up with you, and laughing like nuts with you. i miss kfc and coke, celery sucks!
i promise you we'll be tight no matter what happens.
natalie, you're so gorgeous and i love bling!!!!!!!!!! we're gonna dance till we're old and saggy
jabez, haha i really wanted to say something here but if i do, mabel is going to punch us. HAHA ssssooo dumb. ill just think it now and i hope you can read my mind.
BP, you're the bomb and i looooooooove you. i cant imagine life without you and when you go to the army im going to cry like anything. freak :( and bling is super awesome. NO AIR!
julian, your enthusiasm is so freaking awesome. i cant even use words to describe your awesomeness. steamboat, bbq, SHAKE IT okay (:
joseph, you're so super awesome always taking care of me like a little sister. you dance so nicely (:
ethel and mama, your hugs after my encounter gave me rest. i love you! might not have meant anything to you but the feeling in my heart was so good.
godsis, having you bring me across the line of no return was an honour. BLINGGGGGGGG(:
godbro, you've always been watching out for me and always being so sweet. you make me feel like you care and freak when you go army im going to like cry truckloads too.
elaine, thanks for praying for my when i was going hysterical on the ground. i hope i didnt frighten you with my insane crying haha.
sam, awesome job with the camp man. i take my hat off you!
lorraine, you are one crazy little girl with a humongous i dont know what. you are so awesome(: not mentioning you're a BIG BIMBO lol
melly, my secret monkey, thanks for your sweet letters and walao eh i didnt lose weight on purpose. i know you like my spectacles LOL.
pearlyn, fine lah, ~~jiejielovesyou~~, promise ill try hard to be a better sister.

i cant wait for the pictures to be uploaded. (:
all the time and energy put into the games were seriously nothing compared to the blessings i got from this camp.

I CROSSED THE LINE OF NO RETURN(:

2008-11-30T23:47:00.002+08:00

sometimes i try really hard to make sure im doing things as correctly as i can.
but somehow people always read me wrongly
always speculating, always drawing conclusions about who i am

my intention was always innocent,
never in my agenda to be conniving.
my principle always simple - life is unpredictable, ill take it one step at a time. And so when God presented me an unexpectedly beautiful twist when i obeyed him, i thought all would be smooth sailing. It was at first, until speculation and idle talk slowly crept in - in spite our efforts to do things right, and slowly taking away the joy of enjoying something beautiful.
Now it has caused me to rethink my being transparent and my readiness to share my joy with people. I should have been more protective.

2008-11-24T03:11:00.001+08:00

if i had your picture ill place it on my desktop, delete all the icons and close all the programmes so none block out your face.

2008-11-18T01:03:00.002+08:00

i do care.

i promise i do.
and im not going to pretend i dont just because its easier to appear nonchalant.

i hope you know you matter!

2008-11-12T23:23:00.003+08:00

today was another awesome day!
one awesome day after another.
top of the list: FINAL VICTORY FOR JABEZ TAN!!!
yessssssssssssssssssssss!!!!
silver, baby! ohhh yeaaaaahhh
throws confetti, dogs and cats around
start getting high school musical pink sharpay pompoms and dance night to remember
hahahah sssssss_______________ :)

now 21 dec is set yes? and christmas, new yr, birthday bashes, the list goes on and on....
exciting days lie ahead before the start of school.

too bad mabel's going to US and wont be back till 24. i freakingly miss you aloooooooot already.
sigh.

second on the list: new friend coming to church!
i never knew i could be so happy.

now all i want is a nice girly talk with mabel sin meiyee.

2008-11-11T00:34:00.002+08:00

im boing boing boingingly happy today(:
lots of lovely surprises just popped out randomly.
met mabel and jabez and watched quantum of solace. it was so freaking awesome, i give it like 10/5 stars.
hahaha then we had sushi, jabez you're blurer than me(:
and the best part of the night:
I GOT TO SIT SINGAPORE FLYER!

wooowwwwwwww.
unforgettably beautiful night.
thank youuuu!

2008-11-04T23:55:00.001+08:00

"Haha I'll tell you my secret to getting a C5 for Chinese. Before you leave the house, take a big dump and scream hallelujah while it comes out. Sure to work I GRANTEE it! And fart during the exam so the people around you mess up and the bell curve is in your favor haahah. Dummbb" who else but jabez hahaha. Sms him before a chinese exam i promise it helps. (: Thanks everyone who prayed. Hopefully tmr is the last time i touch chinese, yeah? I'm so scared, i've been tossing for over an hour. Oh well goodnight (:

2008-11-03T23:02:00.003+08:00

华语我爱你.

明天可能是我最后一天见到你,

我太伤心了...!!!!!

但是你千万从明天开始不要再找我, 因为我有新的男朋友了....

:) :)

i saw a photo and was immediately reminded of where i came from.

remember where you came from.

2008-10-29T09:36:00.003+08:00

for all the funny people who still dont get it,
mabel and i actually had fun quarrelling.
so dont be overly upset or concerned.
we met at joel's house later in the day laughing over the stupidest things.
bffs, what to do? :P
oh wells, i still ~~love~~ her
ahem.

(:

okay just to get that cleared up.
today, i was supposed to go to school for subject combi registration.
but i suffered a night of intense pain in my stomach and was thus unable to personally register.
thank God for friends who helped((:

anyway, its settled. im doing bcme, and that inevitable disallows me from ever seeing physics again! never ever being an engineer, yay?
hahaha.

its so sad that i've got to think about my life at a tender age of 16, dont you think? but such is life, and so is everyone.

(im supposed to be doing chinese now, but i just cant, its making me sick)

anyway, i just really dont buy the "china is coming up, learn chinese if not you gg" theory.

doesnt mean china is coming up means that people who get D7 for higher chinese is going to beg on the streets.

@$%^&*!@#$%^&*

anyway for your info,
i gotta do boarding school next yr.
nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo :(:(:(:(:(:(:(

2008-10-28T13:18:00.002+08:00

<3<3

AHAHAHA SO CUTEEE

2008-10-27T13:47:00.002+08:00

for all you ridiculous people out there.
it was not a blog war, or a case of me being absurdly unreasonable.

some people have thought that i am blatantly against them for some strange reason.
they're even think im their opponent.

i am absolutely appalled at these certain person's level of thinking and im beginning to think mabel has been right all along in calling other people stupid.

from now on, i shall take lessons from mabel on the art of suanning others.

this person is as ridiculous asmabel, im with you now.

2008-10-27T12:58:00.004+08:00

there is no such thing as freedom of speech.
if there was, the bible is like useless.
we're supposed to control our tongue and temper.
which is why i act naive and pretend i dont know anything when i do.
which is why i dont use unedifying words even if im pissed at people.
you can say im using "holy words"
i dont care im still going to stand by my point that you cant say whatever you like.

i know you're blunt, and i dont mind that.
but STOP putting other people down.
i dont need any apology.
i just want you to know that you SHOULD care about how you make other people feel.
because if they get stumbled and hurt by you,
you're definately accountable.
not to the people to hurt,
but to God too.

i like you the way you are.
but not the fact that you hurt others and dont care about it.
if you're bothered by the fact that people are hurt,
then im absolutely fine.
but the fact is that you dont care.
you still think that people should accept the blunt you and get on with life.
it doesnt work that way.
you do affect other people.
and in good and bad ways.
i've told you your good ways before,
now im telling you the not so good ways.

im not trying to argue with you
i just want to see you stop using too many hurtful words.
if you are pissed at someone
dont make them feel stupid.
tell them why they're wrong and give them suggestions.
dont use destructive words.

if you're saying "oh too bad thats just the way i am. you've just got to accept it and move on"
then the terrorist can say:
"oh killing people is just the who i am
you have to accept that
its just too bad
you just got to accept it and move on"

the tongue is a deadly weapon.

2008-10-27T12:41:00.002+08:00

if you feel that people are stupid,
people can feel that of you too.

i definately think not being able to say things tactfully and with love is definately not very intellectual,
because its one of the most vital skill in the working world
and also very much biblical.

in the working world,
say noob to everyone around you,
and see the consequence that happens.

im telling you about your choice of words not because i hate you or anything
but because i care for you enough to want to show you the hurt you have caused others.

2008-10-27T12:19:00.006+08:00

diss:
verb
treat, mention, or speak to rudely

dont you do that all the time?
"noob"
"stop being an ass"

and definately during the conversation we were having.

"says you"

"are you stupid"

and definately many more incidents proving the unpleasant tone of voice you were using.

btw, you didnt suggest anything, as you claimed in your first post

"I just suggested something else"

what if i said that to you now?

______, stop being such an ass.
are you stupid? -.-
wth, that is so lame.
its not going to work, DUH.
its so POINTLESS, SHEESH.
i cant be bothered with such useless people.
noob. -.-
okay. bye.

you dont sound smart you know.
you just sound plain mean.

edit-

being blunt does not mean you put people down.
which is what you do all the time by the way.
being blunt is pointing out faults in others
but unintentionally causing hurt at the same time.
you definately have it in mind that saying all those hurtful words are not in any way edifying at all.
im not your only victim.
its time to put a stop to the growing number of victims on your "to own" list.

2008-10-27T11:57:00.007+08:00

some people just dont get it.

its not just one incident, but many, that i've decided enough is enough.

if you're thinking that logically, then come up with better suggestions instead of dissing.

you're not the only one that can get pissed at other people then expect them to come say sorry all the time.

its not like the whole world needs to please you.
its not like everything has gotta be perfect for you.

dont expect everyone to tolerate your not very nice ways.
i bet you'd be pissed if someone said "are you insane" or "are you stupid" to your suggestions.

im not pissed that you dont want to accept my opinions,
but that you dissed them without coming up with better ones.

and regarding the things that would die when he's back,
i'm buying them for his birthday, and because i know he'll love it.
even if im taking care of them for him, at least he'll have them till january.

if you think making other people feel stupid gives you much dignity and pride,
then i'll have you know that rather, it makes you lose all the dignity and respect you hold.

2008-10-26T21:39:00.004+08:00

i hate it when people get dissy.

its like people who diss other people thinks that their opinions are superior than the rest and the latter's opinions are just full of crap.

a person should only be called a fool when he is getting himself into trouble. and even then, it should be done with love.

dissing people obviously is not biblical.
we are supposed to edify and build, and not destruct.

dissing is a form of destruction, and excuse me, people might not say it and may fake a smile when you diss them, but do bear in mind they have feelings.

anyway, im just pissed cos i just got dissed, and at a very bad time indeed, because im not exactly in the best of moods.

still, even if i dont mind, dissing is definately not right.

2008-10-26T21:16:00.002+08:00

a big super dee duper gigantic thank you for everyone who've endured my crazy and ambitious last minute chionging.

in the end, it was not about deco or whatnot,
but that God was with us,
that made it a success.

the video that the speaker showed us today was very meaningful.
i hope it touched someone.
certainly touched me.

anyway credits:
david, sophia, mabel, jabez, sarah